I've moved!

Due to incessant issues with Blogger on my Safari, I've decided to migrate to Wordpress. So, kindly change this address on your Bookmarks to www.ichingthereforeiam.wordpress.com , if you've got this site marked! See you there!

If I had things my way...

1) Babies would have an on and off switch: turn on in the morning and off at bedtime at parents' discretion

2) All babies would love and want to suck 

3) Breastmilk would flow like water from a tap - not according to demand

4) Pre-pregnancy clothes (yes, that favorite pair of Gap jeans) would fit a week after delivery

5) Doctors would find a cure for colic

6) One can simply pop a pill to overcome postpartum blues

But alas, this is not an ideal world...

Stressful modern conveniences

Within the last few days, three things broke down on us - the flush of both toilets in our home and, most annoyingly, my Blackberry. While many may find them merely small issues, they really are not if you're working within various constraints like time (baby is due anytime!), money and skill.

We first discovered that the toilet in our bathroom was leaking when we moved into our new place in December. We chose to ignore it as we were too tired to deal with it then. When our water bill came this month, we decided that we needed to fix it as it was not just leaking water but cash! So, three days ago, husband and I put both our wanting plumbing skills together to fix the leak. We found that the water pump was faulty. Motivated, we made our way to the nearest hardware store and purchased a generic pump which we hope will work. 

When we got home, we started taking the water tank apart only to find that we don't have the right tools to deal with it. So we called on some friends to see if they have the wrench we need. Finally one friend's brother owns one and we will pick it up tomorrow (sigh...delay = inconvenience=stress). But on the night we got home from the hardware store, I discovered that the guest toilet was also leaking! So now we have to see if we succeed in fixing the first one before we work on the second one...

A few evenings ago, my Blackberry went kaput. It wouldn't let me do anything except call the last person who calls me! While the handheld has served me well for over two years and due for an upgrade offer (by the telcom company), I decided end of last year to stick with it as it still functioned for what I needed it for. Unfortunately its demise was due. 

Finally got a new Blackberry at a decent price and was charging and setting it up last night when I discovered that it kept going into rebooting mode on its own! What a bummer! A search on Google confirms that it's pretty common problem with the model I bought. And worse, there hasn't been one solution for it - many users had to trouble-shoot and it's basically hit or miss. Some ended up returning the phone and some got a replacement that works. I spent most of today trying to figure out what's wrong with it and I MAY have solved the issue but it's still too early to tell. I'm keeping my fingers crossed...

The point of this entry, I guess, is an ask-out-loud question of why things, specifically supposedly  modern conveniences, always break down at the wrong time and the solution is always highly stressful. Are these unnecessary hassle that we bring upon ourselves? For example, why do I need a Blackberry now when I didn't even own a cellphone for the first half of my adult life? And why do have fancy pumps nowadays when the first generation toilet flushes worked just as well? Are our lives really easier and simpler with these "progressive" gadgets? Hmm...  

Terminate at 60

While following Captain Jean-Luc Picard's adventure traversing the universe on the show's Season 4, we came across an interesting episode ("Half a Life") where the crew of Starship Enterprise encounters an alien society (that practices a ritual called, the Resolution. Basically the Resolution is suicide ritual where everyone who reaches the age of 60 kills him or herself as a means of ridding the younger generation of the need to care for the elderly.

The plot was that Counselor Troi's mother, Lwazana, who was on board the Enterprise, fell in love with a visiting scientist, Timicin, from Kaelon II. However, their love affair is doomed as Timicin is about to turn 60 and he's getting ready to return to his home planet to die. Lwaxana has difficulty comprehending such  custom and asked Picard to intervene. But as the Federation's Prime Directive does not allow the crew to judge or interfere in another's cultural norms and practices, Picard was reluctant to interfere.

Enraged and trying to convince Timicin of how wrong the custom is, at one point, Lwaxana states, "So, you get rid of the problem by getting rid of the people!"

The theme of eutanasia is oft brought up in Star Trek. The Vulcans, too, have a similar practice along with a few other alien cultures.

Other than the resemblance of the Prime Directive to our present day Moral Relativism ("That's just true for you but not for me."), the arguments to justify euthanasia advanced by the various alien cultures in Star Trek, too, resonates with the contentions of contemporary proponents of euthanasia. Many of them claim that those who are suffering from a terminal illness have the "right to die." Two problems arise from this reasoning: 1) how does one define "terminal illness" and where would one draw the line? Cancer? Depression? 2) If to die is a fundamental right, then shouldn't all of us have that right to die, too? Why just those who are terminally ill? This right should not be limited to those who are terminally ill. 

I believe that autonomy is not absolute – there are limits to autonomous decisions we make; our autonomy ends where there is tangible evidence of harm to others. This line of rationalization also opens the door to the inflicting of harm where right-to-die can easily slip into duty-to-die just like the people of Kaelon II.

Interesting times we are living in... 

A new appreciation

Since I've gotten pregnant, I've been telling moms I know how I have a new appreciation for them. The best response I've gotten so far is that that appreciation will only grow! While I always knew that being a mom or even just a parent is one of the toughest calling in life, it's only now that I see how much a mother sacrifices for her child. Presently the sacrifices I've had to deal with are physical and financial ones but as soon as the little one arrives, more will be due!

It WAS also often easy to criticize another person's parenting/mothering style but now that I'm preparing to be a parent I find myself anxious about what kind of a mother I would be. Then there is the concern if baby would be healthy and normal... If I'd have enough milk to nurse him...If he'd turn out to be one of those rascals we see screaming in shopping malls... While I know that these fears and concerns are normal and expected, they are presently very real. I guess you mothers out there would in turn respond that this is only the beginning. And I know that you are right!

Have a happy new year! 

Coolest boss in town!

Sometime back before I got pregnant I blogged about companies which allow moms to bring their babies to work.

At that time, I thought the idea was fascinating but may be too revolutionary for many organizations (actually I still think so). However, at 5-month pregnant and desperate for childcare options when I return to work after my maternity leave, I proposed the idea to my boss. Without much hesitation, he said yes! This is great as I will get to get my work done while having my little gem next to me in the office. As the office staff is few (five of us), we've always operated like a family. So, with the introduction of the little one, everyone has already offered to chip in to help! Now this is what I call a pro-family, pro-life, pro-children organization!

It's human!

Husband and I just returned from our routine visit to the gynecologist. We received good report about the baby who is presently 17 weeks and 4 days old. It's fascinating how technology enables us to see so clearly what's in my womb. We could see his beating heart, his spinal cord, his legs and arms, clearly formed digits (fingers) on his hands, his genitals and etc.

The profile of his face was so clear on the sonogram printout that we could make out his cute little nose and mouth. We gasped in awe as we exclaimed - "It's human! He's a human person!"

Of course, for weeks now we've been monitoring his growth on the sonogram and even from the first few weeks, he was obviously a distinct human being. Though he's somehow attached to my body and is dependent upon me to grow at this point in time, he is nonetheless not part of my body, nor part of me in the same way as my kidneys or heart.

Laws in Singapore (where we're residing presently) allows abortion on demand up till the 24th week of pregnancy. That is, a woman can walk up to a clinic and have the life of the 6-month old child inside her terminated - no questions asked. Apparently this is what they call pro-choice (?) where a woman has a choice to do whatever she wants with her life and her body. Now, I have no problem with that definition of pro-choice BUT my problem arises from the fact that the 6-month old unborn inside her is NOT part of her body! It clearly has a life of its own - his own blood circulatory system complete with a beating heart, his own mind (the sight of my son kicking his legs and appearing like he's cycling an invisible bicycle inside my womb was enough to convince me that I have no control whatsoever over his actions!). Hence, extracting the fetus out of one's womb is not the same as removing one's kidney.

My pregnancy is, contrary to what every other mother tells me, becoming increasingly difficult. There are days when I can hardly function at all on normal activities. Clearly the growing entity inside my body is the cause of much of my physical and mental stress. However, I also realize that I can't simply decide to do what's best for me alone. First, another life is dependent on me. Second, regardless of how inconvenient or difficult it may be for me, I can't resort to removing the source of my suffering as we're not talking about a cancerous kidney here but about another human life. And, another human's life, I have no right to take.

With the advancement in prenatal scanning technology, it is becoming more obvious that no matter how we want to justify the termination of pregnancy, abortion is ultimately the taking of an innocent life. In some contexts, we call this kind of act, murder.

Not mere rhetoric

(Image credit: McCainBlogette.com)

The American Presidential race just got more interesting with the naming of Sarah Palin as McCain's running mate. From the little reported in the media about this scarcely known Governor of Alaska I was impressed. But today, after digging further into what she's about, I find myself very excited about this VP nominee who is barely a few years older than I am.

What's there to not like about her? She's a full-time working mom (read: she identifies with most of our struggles and guilt!); she carried her Down Syndrome fifth child to term (read: she's not just pro-life in rhetoric but for real!); she has a son who's deployed to Iraq soon (read: she feels along with the tens of thousands of parents who have their children in Iraq); and she has a teenage daughter who's pregnant (read: she knows how challenging it is to be parents to teenagers AND she's not perfect - like most of us!).

In addition, her position on most issues is similar to mine - read here. She's also, according to Jennifer Roback Morse: "a post-feminist, professional woman. She doesn't so much reject Establishment Feminism: she just ignores it. She has a collaborative relationship with her husband, not, as far as I can tell, an adversarial or competitive relationship with him. He is not an obstacle to her life goals: he is a help and support to them."

I truly hope she will succeed in her race and continue to be an inspiration to women all around the world!

Those good ol' tv days...

A news report caught my attention recently - they are bringing back the popular educational 70's tv show, The Electric Company. When I heard that, husband and I immediately went into our reminiscent mode - who could forget that scream: "Hey, you guys!!!" How fun it was! I remember always looking forward to the show. I also recall how I learned proper pronunciation and new words on the show.



Then, there was 3-2-1 Contact - an educational science show. I can still remember the intro song vividly. I wonder if they'll bring this back, too.



Of course, who could forget the Big Blue Marble - by the producer who went on to make my other favorite tv show as an adult, Star Trek: The Next Generation. Husband, however, does not recall ever seeing this show...hmmm... Anyhow, I remember how I found a penpal through this program when I was in fourth grade. Ahh... gone are the good, old decent days of tv!

Prenatal challenges

It has been almost 3 months since I last made an entry. During this time, I made an important update to this blog - under my profile, I changed, "aspiring mom" to "expecting mom." Yes! On June 16, after a week-long overseas trip, I came home to a positive home pregnancy test! "Yay! We did it!" my husband and I exclaimed.

When we first told friends that we would like to have a baby next year, they told us that we need to be realistic and give ourselves at least 6 months before we conceive (considering my age and all). So, we calculated backwards - 9 months of pregnancy and around the time next year we see ourselves with a baby... so, we should start trying June 2008. And we did - round about end of May (what's a few days, we thought). Well, guess what? We hit the Jackpot the first time! Actually, we have God to thank as we know that this was only possible as the little one is a gift from him. Random selection of the Darwin kind would have proven this to be impossible considering the odds we're facing.

Anyhoo... I am, as of today, 11 weeks and 5 days pregnant. Here's what it has been so far:

Joys:

1. No morning sickness!!!
2. Reasonably good appetite
3. Wonderful, understanding boss and colleagues who insist that I slack
4. Even more amazingly accommodating husband

Sorrows:

1. Nothing in my closet fits anymore!!!
2. Have to eat small meals all day through
3. Having to sleep with body propped up to ease indigestion
4. Battling self-induced insecurities about self-identity and accomplishment at work

Of iPods and airports

I'm on the road again - this time for a week. Unlike my last few trips to India, I have come equipped. My typical trip to India involves visits to a few cities and that means hours and hours of transit at various bleak Indian airports (the worst I've been so far has been Kolkata's).

Before, I would while away my hours by reading. But sometimes after a bumpy and winding 4-hour car ride, I am just too tired to read. C'mon, the lady just wants to vege!

Recollection of such distressing moments at airports compelled me to buy an iPod a few weeks ago. After all, isn't getting a MacBook the first step towards Apple addiction?
(Pix courtesy of http://wanderingdanny.com/hong-kong/markets-museums-temple.html)

With a whopping 80 Gb of space, I could have seasons and seasons of my favorite tv shows on it - 30 Rock, CSI, Will&Grace, etc. Last evening, while waiting for my connecting flight in New Delhi, I saw five episodes of CSI!!!

As resistant as I am to the impact of technology on our lives and relationships, I wonder how I have managed without my gadgets. Alas, I think I may have arrived at the dark side...

McGriddle has arrived!

One of the things I most looked forward to on our annual trip to the USA is breakfast at Mickey D's. While we would normally not eat at McDonald's unless we are starving and there's nothing else available, I was introduced to its breakfast McGriddle a few years ago when I worked as a secret shopper and had to rate the fastfood chain's service.
It was love at first bite - the Sausage McGriddle. What's there not to love? Sausage: checked; pancake: checked; maple syrup: checked. Packing all my faves into a sandwich was a brilliant idea.

However, when we moved to Singapore, we realized that the McGriddle hasn't gotten this far yet. So, breakfast at Mickey D's was only an annual indulgence for the past three years - until today! While watching tv last night, we came across the "new" McGriddle commercial. I almost screamed in excitement! So, this morning we made our way to the nearest McDonald's and ordered our first McGriddle breakfast in Singapore. Hmmm... yummy.

We all know that global food chains typically make contextual adjustments to their products according to local tastes and preferences. Here's what we think Mickey D's did to the breakfast sandwich in Singapore: the pancake part of the sandwich is not as sweet as in the US, there's probably less maple syrup in the pancake (I remember that in the US, the maple syrup would be dripping out as I bite into the sandwich) and finally, I think they use less or none butter in the sandwich.

Husband and I suspect that they make the sandwich overall less sweet here as Asians typically have a lower tolerance for sweetness.
We observed a similar phenomenon when we were in Jakarta, Indonesia last weekend. Our local friend told us that the Indonesian-bred donut chain, J. Co. is doing better than Krispy Kreme as the latter's donuts are sweeter. Interesting... For us, we were just pleased to treat ourselves to some Krispy Kreme donuts as we reminisce our So. Cal. days!

G spotted

One of the perks of my work is that I get to stay at pretty decent hotels when I travel. Some of the really nice ones I've stayed at in the last few years include The Broadmoor (Colorado Springs), St Regis (Dana Point, CA.), Ritz-Carlton San Juan (Puerto Rico) and Hilton Los Cabos (Mexico).These are hotels that we would never be able to afford on our own but a real treat when we get to check-in on company expense.

While I've enjoyed all these hotels, I encountered one I really adore this week when I traveled to Penang in Malaysia. G Hotel really impressed me with its generosity with space in its decor of the lobby. I love the modern contemporary design of its decor - very simple lines but yet not stark. The lobby furniture was very voguish and the overall color scheme very apropos. I also love the idea of having music piped right out to its entrance - so, as soon as you get off the cab, you are greeted by hip, rhythmic music ala Incognito inviting you to move to its relaxing beat. Though we stayed there only for a night, I was thoroughly won over by its unique concept. So, if you're ever in Penang and you're a sucker for style and design, I'd recommend the G Hotel. (By the way, they cheekily named one of the F&B outlets, G Spot!)

Thinning out

The last two days saw us cracking our heads (mostly me, really) trying to figure out how to fit all our stuff into our tiny new place. We dropped by the new place to do some measuring so that we can plan our furniture and move. What we saw depressed me. Though it was not the first time we'd seen the place but seeing it again reminds me of our imminent squeeze into a smaller space and the colossal task of moving.

We've been combing through the Ikea catalog (and the stores) and various local mom-and-pop furniture stores plus keeping ourselves posted on what's available on craigslist. Unlike most small-spaced apartments I've looked to for decor inspiration on apartment therapy, our new place has no closet or hidden storage space. My biggest challenge is finding a way to store my 20 pairs of shoes and 20 handbags...

Well, the solution is really obvious to all except to my tendency to deny: throw or give away as many as possible and only keep the ones I really like AND do use. Easier said than done BUT I am learning!

Turning 40 and looking forward to it!

A friend told me two days ago about another who's going through a tough time presently. I asked why. Well, apparently she's overwhelmed at work and she's also depressed as she'll be turning 40. The insensitive me exclaimed, "Why???" (But really, need I ask?)

This friend, I found out, is taking stock of her life - wondering if she's achieved anything worthy thus far, and also fears that she may start looking "old." I recall having similar feelings when I turned 30 but very soon after that I discovered how much I loved being in my thirties! I moved overseas the first time (to Turkey to be precise) and have since not lived in my home country. I got my graduate degree when I was 34 and got married when I was 35. Being in the thirties rocked!

As I stand at the door ushering in another decade of my life (I turn 40 in December), I am excited - at what surprises the 40's would hold for me and at all the possibilities and opportunities that beckon.

Last week I had the pleasure (and honor!) to have tea with a few ladies - one in her early 40's, three in their 50's and another in her 60's. I experienced so much joy (fun would be understating the exhilaration I felt!) with my new friends - they were probably the most lively, fulfilled bunch I've ever been with in a long time! They were gorgeous - both in body and soul, they were successful and most importantly, they weren't just concerned about menopause or how to spend their retirement fund. They were such inspiring individuals! One of them, a widow for over a decade and have two young adult sons, have recently gotten back to college for a degree in counseling and psychotherapy. There's nothing stopping these amazing ladies!

So, downhill after 40? No way! It's just a transition to another wonderful phase of our life. Believe it, as it's true!

p.s. I can't wait till December when I officially join this league of extraordinary ladies!

"Will call you back after I change the diapers."

Over lunch with a psychologist friend today, we lament about how parents, more so mothers, are not spending enough time with their children - especially during those crucial first years when intimacy between parent and child develops, and how such arrangements can adversely affect the child's values, behavior and attitude.

In a city like Singapore where the cost of living is constantly on an escalating high, are working moms really left with no other options than to leave the caring of their children to domestic helpers and daycare centers? Is the future really this bleak?

This is a crucial question for me now that husband and I are ready to consider kids (before my body gets too old for such tasks!) This evening, I came across a news article about how a US company is so mommy-friendly that it allows new moms to bring their babies to work until they get to a certain age. Now that is an intriguing idea! Nursing your baby at work!

However, I do wonder how many large companies would make such an allowance for their staff. Especially here where daycare and domestic help are readily and cheaply available, why should new parents burden themselves with their baby at work? And, why should the employer put up with wails, stinky diapers and the embarrassment of a male boss walking into a new mom nursing?

Due to the nature of my work, I would certainly not mind having my baby with me at work for its first six months. The question then is whether my employer would consent to such a progressive idea. Hmm...

Political wives

A few weeks ago we saw the shameless confession of Eliot Spitzer (ex-Governor of NY) of his prostitute-hopping hobby. Then barely days into his office, the new Governor of the state of NY announced that he's had numerous affairs in the past, including one with a woman who's in his office now!

Now, the fact that these men have cheated on their wives is, unfortunately, not THAT shocking. What's more mind-boggling is that every time these men confess their infidelity, they have their wives with them (as if the presence of their wife would enhance the credibility of their repentance which in turn would save their character a little!). As I read the various accounts of such confessions, I cannot help but imagine what I would do if my husband had to make a similar public announcement. I also cannot help but conclude that one would have to drag me by my hair, dead, for me to even consent to such a sad and shameful affair. As if it's not hurtful and devastating enough to have your man cheat on you, now you have to stand by him and aid him in asking the public's forgiveness??? Unbelievable. Are these women for real and think that they are expected of such disgraceful tasks as a wife? Political wife or not, I am not sure if any woman should ever subject herself to such a humiliating role of a co-confessor of a lying adulterer.

Hence, Maggie Gallagher accounts my exact sentiments when she appeals to all cheating public-figure husbands to stop torturing their wives by making them appear empathetic as they list their illicit sexual encounters to the world.

Old friends on Facebook

While I have always associated internet-networking sites like Friendster, MySpace and the like with young teenagers posting their babble and shameless pixs of themselves online, I changed my mind recently about a site that works on a similar principle - Facebook. When I was first "invited" by a friend to join the online network, I was skeptical but decided to take the plunge after I discovered that a good number of my more sensible friends are on it, too. (And no, this is NOT a paid or sponsored posting by Facebook in case you're wondering.)

After joining the network late last year, I have found old, old friends that I would otherwise not know where to look. As I've lived on several continents in the last 15 years, my friends are spread across the globe. Again, Facebook has been wonderful to connect me with friends all over. Friends from church when I was a barely a teenager came a knocking on my Facebook door asking if I were the I'Ching they knew way back when. Today, a couple we know who are not quite the computer savvy type, added me to their friends list. How cool is that! Such applications of technology has definitely enhanced the possibilities of our social life.

However, are such platforms really helping us connect better as gregarious creatures? Have our relationships improved with the advent of such messengers? I'm not sure they have. We may think that we are connecting better but what we are doing better is just the technique - the substance of our relationships has not gotten better, I believe. While one can send hugs over Facebook, nothing will ever take the place of a real hug - the warmth, the touch and the smell of a real person. Communicating in short text sentences will never ease the pain of a broken heart as powerfully as crying to a friend over a cup of tea.

Alone time

Husband started his Thursday evening lectures two weeks ago. This means, every Thursday evening for the next three months, while husband is hard at work (and when I'm not traveling for work myself!) I get a few hours of alone time when I can do what I've been wanting/needing to do like, re-potting the overgrown plant on our balcony, check out the latest collection at Muji, etc., without having to worry about ideas for dinner or about whether husband is waiting for me to watch the next episode of 30 Rock on dvd.

I look forward to this evening which includes some form of the following: window shopping at Daiso ("everything $2 shop") at Vivo City, More magazine, Cantonese CSI-like serial on dvd, moving-countdown checklist and planning for my "private project."

Movies to look out for...

While I love John Irving as a writer, I'm not sure if I agree with some of his views about life. For example, the movie "The Cider House Rules" was made based on his book of the same title. The basic premise of the book/movie is on the work (and the good) of an abortionist - basically an effort to appeal to your emotions and sympathy towards women who are pregnant from rape and incestuous sexual abuse. While I have deep hatred for any form of sexual evil, I am also wary of any attempt to supposedly set things right that would involve the termination of another life. As Captain Jean-Luc Picard of Star Trek Enterprise once said, "No being is so important that it can usurp the rights of another.”

Anyhow, movie makers in Hollywood have for a long time now been more sympathetic towards the Pro-choice movement. However, lately, there seems to be a shift in their view of the life of the unborn. So, here's a list of movies I'm looking forward to spending my evenings watching...1) Bella (http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/bella/), 2) Noelle (http://www.noellethemovie.com/),
3) Juno (http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox_searchlight/juno/) and (this is an older one which I've seen - a bit raunchy but very funny!)
4) Knocked Up (http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal/knockedup/).

So, let's pop the corn!