Political wives

A few weeks ago we saw the shameless confession of Eliot Spitzer (ex-Governor of NY) of his prostitute-hopping hobby. Then barely days into his office, the new Governor of the state of NY announced that he's had numerous affairs in the past, including one with a woman who's in his office now!

Now, the fact that these men have cheated on their wives is, unfortunately, not THAT shocking. What's more mind-boggling is that every time these men confess their infidelity, they have their wives with them (as if the presence of their wife would enhance the credibility of their repentance which in turn would save their character a little!). As I read the various accounts of such confessions, I cannot help but imagine what I would do if my husband had to make a similar public announcement. I also cannot help but conclude that one would have to drag me by my hair, dead, for me to even consent to such a sad and shameful affair. As if it's not hurtful and devastating enough to have your man cheat on you, now you have to stand by him and aid him in asking the public's forgiveness??? Unbelievable. Are these women for real and think that they are expected of such disgraceful tasks as a wife? Political wife or not, I am not sure if any woman should ever subject herself to such a humiliating role of a co-confessor of a lying adulterer.

Hence, Maggie Gallagher accounts my exact sentiments when she appeals to all cheating public-figure husbands to stop torturing their wives by making them appear empathetic as they list their illicit sexual encounters to the world.

Alone time

Husband started his Thursday evening lectures two weeks ago. This means, every Thursday evening for the next three months, while husband is hard at work (and when I'm not traveling for work myself!) I get a few hours of alone time when I can do what I've been wanting/needing to do like, re-potting the overgrown plant on our balcony, check out the latest collection at Muji, etc., without having to worry about ideas for dinner or about whether husband is waiting for me to watch the next episode of 30 Rock on dvd.

I look forward to this evening which includes some form of the following: window shopping at Daiso ("everything $2 shop") at Vivo City, More magazine, Cantonese CSI-like serial on dvd, moving-countdown checklist and planning for my "private project."

I need a wife!!!

Here's an old (August 2007) article which appeared in the International Herald Tribune which caught my attention. One reason being how it captured my exact feeling about how I feel the way things ought to be!

Women wedded to work - and needing a wife at home
By Shira Boss Monday, August 13, 2007

NEW YORK: Now that women have solidly earned their place in the work force, many find themselves still yearning for something men often have: wives.

"The thing I most want in life is a wife. I'm not kidding," said Joyce Lustbader, a research scientist at Columbia University, who has been married for 29 years. "I work all day, sometimes seven days a week, and still have to go home and make dinner and have all those things to do around the house."

It is not just the extra shift at home that is a common complaint.

Working women, whether married or single, also see their lack of devoted spousal support as an impediment to getting ahead in their careers, especially when they are competing against men who have wives behind them, whether those wives are working or staying at home.

And research supports their argument: It appears that marriage, at least marriage with children, bolsters a man's career but hinders a woman's.

One specialist in women's studies dismissed wife envy as something women "are usually joking about," and another called it "a need for a second set of hands, regardless of gender." But therapists who work with couples on equality issues say it is no joke.

"I hear it all the time," said Robin Stern, a psychotherapist in Manhattan and author of "The Gaslight Effect." "It's a real concern. Things that used to be routinely taken care of during the week are not anymore."

With two-income families now the norm, and both men and women working a record-breaking number of hours, the question has become how to accomplish what used to be a wife's job, even as old-fashioned standards of household management and entertaining have been relaxed.

Many men are sharing the work of chores and child care with their wives, and some do it all as single parents, but women still generally shoulder a greater burden of household business (or fretting over how to do what is not getting done).

According to 2006 survey data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, one in five men engages in some kind of housework on an average day, while more than half of women do.

"The real challenge is, companies expect you to perform as if someone is at home taking care of everything for you," said Kim Gandy, president of the National Organization for Women. "Some men are better positioned to deal with these corporate demands, because they do have someone at home. Most women don't."

Working women have noticed, correctly, that their male colleagues with wife support - whether or not those wives are themselves working outside the home - get further at work than the women who are fettered by marriage and children.

Women occupy 50.6 percent of managerial and professional positions, according to the research organization Catalyst, but make up only 15.6 percent of Fortune 500 corporate officers.

Married men and women, on average, earn more than those who are unmarried, with part of that possibly attributed to career and wage advancement as workers mature (and are more likely to be married). But the gap is significantly larger for men than for women. Married women make an average 17 percent more than unmarried women, according to 2005 B.L.S. data on the median earnings of full-time workers, while married men make 42 percent more than unmarried men.

A more statistically rigorous analysis published in 2004, using the Minnesota Twins Registry, tried to isolate the effect of marriage on earnings. It found that holding education and genetics constant, married male twins made 26 percent more than their unmarried brothers.

It is not as clear what effect marriage has on women's careers and earnings, but having children is, overall, an impediment. "There's a well-documented motherhood penalty: women with children are paid less than women without children," controlling for other factors, said Mary Blair-Loy, a sociologist and author of "Competing Devotions," a study of executive women who kept working versus ones who discontinued their careers.

Fathers, however, are not similarly disadvantaged and might even benefit at the workplace from being parents, according to more than one study, including one published in March in The American Journal of Sociology.

In 1972, the first issue of Ms. Magazine included a now classic essay by Judy Syfers, "I Want a Wife." Her fantasies included her wife taking the children to the park and on play dates, arranging a social life, passing hors d'oeuvres to guests, planning meals, cooking, cleaning. The sentiment seems to persist among today's working women.

"On every level, I'm very resentful," Lustbader said. "Not of my husband, but of other women who don't work, or who have a stay-at-home husband." She calls her marriage a good one.

She also has the benefit of a once-a-week house cleaner and had live-in help while the couple's two children were growing up. She did not pursue a tenure track because she wanted to be more available for her children while they were growing up.

While outsourcing household work is a potential solution for families that can afford it, it doesn't solve all the issues. Women are still predominantly the ones hiring and managing the help, according to Blair-Loy and other specialists. And, especially when it comes to child care, they feel there is no substitute for a spouse.

"The situation is, you have to have people doing it for you, or you do it," said Dawn Santana, a corporate lawyer in Manhattan who works part time. "I like to do it myself, and don't trust too many other people. But I would trust a spouse."

Even if the workload is divided, women complain that they are usually the ones organizing, juggling and filling their head space with the daily demands of family life. That leaves less time and energy to focus on the workplace tasks.

"Men lock the door and leave. Things could be a wreck or whatever and it doesn't affect their other world," Santana said. "I walk out and worry about the house looking nice, because the kids have play dates, etc. Someone has to worry about that, and it's usually not the dad."

"Angel 1"

Okay, so I admit I'm a nerd (but, hey, so is Tina Fey!!!). I love Star Trek: The New Generation (TNG). As far as I'm concerned, it's the best of all the Star Trek series. I remember how during my graduate studies days watching TNG reruns helped me better understand what my professor was teaching in my Metaphysics class.

Recently, we bought the dvds of the whole seven seasons of TNG! My husband and I were so excited at the possibilities! As far as watching tv is concerned, we would be going to a level where we had not gone before! With the Christmas and New Year's holidays, we've made it halfway through season 1 so far.
A few evenings ago, we saw an unusually appealing (at least to me!) episode called, Angel 1. This time, starship Enterprise found themselves encountering a planet called, Angel 1, where women are the warriors/soldiers while the men play the role of earth women. In other words, it's a matriarchal planet! How cool would that world be???!!! Where men dress themselves up sexily to attract and serve the women; where women make all the decisions and are the smart ones.

Hmmm, come to think of it, other than the intellect, I think my home is a tiny fragment of Angel 1 that got thrown out into orbit and landed here on earth!!! In fact, I suspect that there is more than one fragment of Angel 1 here on earth!!! Is your home another lost Angel 1 fragment?

Humor aside, as appealing as such a planet may sound to many, I don't think I want to live within such a culture. For one, I don't want to be the warrior! If possible, I don't want to be the one who makes all the decisions. I know very well, from past experiences, that I am fallible and could be wrong about many things (though as far as my husband is concerned, I am right about most things!) and hence if I want what is best for my family, I don't want to be the sole decision-maker. In the same way, I don't think the husband should be the sole decision-maker either!

And I am so glad that I have a husband who loves me so much that he is not reluctant to challenge me when he thinks I'm wrong. Also, he would not be so proud to not admit when I have made the correct choices. So, Angel 1 remains a fantasy, but one which I hope will not come true!

Have a wonderful week ahead, everyone!

Sexist, but how true

I came across this on Real Simple magazine's editor's blog and I love it. I thought that it's so true in my day-to-day interaction with my husband. What do you think?

9 Words Women Use

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. "Five minutes" is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine."

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of "nothing.")

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: If a woman is thanking you, do not question...or faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: A woman's way of saying !%#$ YOU!

9.) Don't Worry About It, I Got It: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.