A new appreciation

Since I've gotten pregnant, I've been telling moms I know how I have a new appreciation for them. The best response I've gotten so far is that that appreciation will only grow! While I always knew that being a mom or even just a parent is one of the toughest calling in life, it's only now that I see how much a mother sacrifices for her child. Presently the sacrifices I've had to deal with are physical and financial ones but as soon as the little one arrives, more will be due!

It WAS also often easy to criticize another person's parenting/mothering style but now that I'm preparing to be a parent I find myself anxious about what kind of a mother I would be. Then there is the concern if baby would be healthy and normal... If I'd have enough milk to nurse him...If he'd turn out to be one of those rascals we see screaming in shopping malls... While I know that these fears and concerns are normal and expected, they are presently very real. I guess you mothers out there would in turn respond that this is only the beginning. And I know that you are right!

Have a happy new year! 

Coolest boss in town!

Sometime back before I got pregnant I blogged about companies which allow moms to bring their babies to work.

At that time, I thought the idea was fascinating but may be too revolutionary for many organizations (actually I still think so). However, at 5-month pregnant and desperate for childcare options when I return to work after my maternity leave, I proposed the idea to my boss. Without much hesitation, he said yes! This is great as I will get to get my work done while having my little gem next to me in the office. As the office staff is few (five of us), we've always operated like a family. So, with the introduction of the little one, everyone has already offered to chip in to help! Now this is what I call a pro-family, pro-life, pro-children organization!

It's human!

Husband and I just returned from our routine visit to the gynecologist. We received good report about the baby who is presently 17 weeks and 4 days old. It's fascinating how technology enables us to see so clearly what's in my womb. We could see his beating heart, his spinal cord, his legs and arms, clearly formed digits (fingers) on his hands, his genitals and etc.

The profile of his face was so clear on the sonogram printout that we could make out his cute little nose and mouth. We gasped in awe as we exclaimed - "It's human! He's a human person!"

Of course, for weeks now we've been monitoring his growth on the sonogram and even from the first few weeks, he was obviously a distinct human being. Though he's somehow attached to my body and is dependent upon me to grow at this point in time, he is nonetheless not part of my body, nor part of me in the same way as my kidneys or heart.

Laws in Singapore (where we're residing presently) allows abortion on demand up till the 24th week of pregnancy. That is, a woman can walk up to a clinic and have the life of the 6-month old child inside her terminated - no questions asked. Apparently this is what they call pro-choice (?) where a woman has a choice to do whatever she wants with her life and her body. Now, I have no problem with that definition of pro-choice BUT my problem arises from the fact that the 6-month old unborn inside her is NOT part of her body! It clearly has a life of its own - his own blood circulatory system complete with a beating heart, his own mind (the sight of my son kicking his legs and appearing like he's cycling an invisible bicycle inside my womb was enough to convince me that I have no control whatsoever over his actions!). Hence, extracting the fetus out of one's womb is not the same as removing one's kidney.

My pregnancy is, contrary to what every other mother tells me, becoming increasingly difficult. There are days when I can hardly function at all on normal activities. Clearly the growing entity inside my body is the cause of much of my physical and mental stress. However, I also realize that I can't simply decide to do what's best for me alone. First, another life is dependent on me. Second, regardless of how inconvenient or difficult it may be for me, I can't resort to removing the source of my suffering as we're not talking about a cancerous kidney here but about another human life. And, another human's life, I have no right to take.

With the advancement in prenatal scanning technology, it is becoming more obvious that no matter how we want to justify the termination of pregnancy, abortion is ultimately the taking of an innocent life. In some contexts, we call this kind of act, murder.

Prenatal challenges

It has been almost 3 months since I last made an entry. During this time, I made an important update to this blog - under my profile, I changed, "aspiring mom" to "expecting mom." Yes! On June 16, after a week-long overseas trip, I came home to a positive home pregnancy test! "Yay! We did it!" my husband and I exclaimed.

When we first told friends that we would like to have a baby next year, they told us that we need to be realistic and give ourselves at least 6 months before we conceive (considering my age and all). So, we calculated backwards - 9 months of pregnancy and around the time next year we see ourselves with a baby... so, we should start trying June 2008. And we did - round about end of May (what's a few days, we thought). Well, guess what? We hit the Jackpot the first time! Actually, we have God to thank as we know that this was only possible as the little one is a gift from him. Random selection of the Darwin kind would have proven this to be impossible considering the odds we're facing.

Anyhoo... I am, as of today, 11 weeks and 5 days pregnant. Here's what it has been so far:

Joys:

1. No morning sickness!!!
2. Reasonably good appetite
3. Wonderful, understanding boss and colleagues who insist that I slack
4. Even more amazingly accommodating husband

Sorrows:

1. Nothing in my closet fits anymore!!!
2. Have to eat small meals all day through
3. Having to sleep with body propped up to ease indigestion
4. Battling self-induced insecurities about self-identity and accomplishment at work

"Will call you back after I change the diapers."

Over lunch with a psychologist friend today, we lament about how parents, more so mothers, are not spending enough time with their children - especially during those crucial first years when intimacy between parent and child develops, and how such arrangements can adversely affect the child's values, behavior and attitude.

In a city like Singapore where the cost of living is constantly on an escalating high, are working moms really left with no other options than to leave the caring of their children to domestic helpers and daycare centers? Is the future really this bleak?

This is a crucial question for me now that husband and I are ready to consider kids (before my body gets too old for such tasks!) This evening, I came across a news article about how a US company is so mommy-friendly that it allows new moms to bring their babies to work until they get to a certain age. Now that is an intriguing idea! Nursing your baby at work!

However, I do wonder how many large companies would make such an allowance for their staff. Especially here where daycare and domestic help are readily and cheaply available, why should new parents burden themselves with their baby at work? And, why should the employer put up with wails, stinky diapers and the embarrassment of a male boss walking into a new mom nursing?

Due to the nature of my work, I would certainly not mind having my baby with me at work for its first six months. The question then is whether my employer would consent to such a progressive idea. Hmm...